On a fine summer’s day shortly after noon, Wasps Under 13s, full of hope and expectation and led by Dai Bach (Little Dave, David Weaver), embarked on the 2011 Tour to Llaneli, South Wales.

The journey was, for the first five hours, smooth and to plan. The Tour Rules were distributed and explained, and Welsh Tour Names, to be used at all times, were distributed and learned by the boys; a task easiest in the case of Will Jones, who already had a Welsh name, although we also gave him Gwillym (Resolute Protector). Haydn Popper also had a Welsh name already (Fire), but he objected first and as a result was assigned Culhwch (Hiding Place of the Pig), to his evident pleasure. Ffranc ‘r Ffrancwr (Frank the Frenchman, Frank Goasguen) objected to having the same name as Ffranc ‘r Ffrancwr (Frank the Frenchman, Francois Picard) on two bases: he did not want the same name and he was a Breton, not a Frenchman. After deliberation the first basis was rejected, because they did have the same name anyway, near as made no difference, however the second basis was accepted. After consultation with his mother, y Llew Coch (the Red Lion, Adam Lewis) whose Welsh name was sadly often mispronounced and shortened by many of those on tour including some who ought to have been more mature, established that Goasguen was in Welsh Gwas Gwen (Shining Man), so one of the Ffranc ‘r Ffrancwrs became Gwas Gwen ‘r Llydaweg. Frenhinaidd Mabon (Regal Son, Joseph Rigal) objected to his name being the same as his father Bruce’s (Frenhinaidd Ddyn, Regal Man) and was assigned Bran (Raven).

After some technical difficulties in the self appointed IT department, made up of the Blessed Dewi Sant (Saint David, David Popper) and Darw yr Hyfforddwr (Bull the Coach, Anthony Bull), Cerys Matthew’s high tempo rendition of Sospan Fach, the Tour Song, soon rang out over the coach’s speakers, and the boys began to learn it. The Tour Quiz was played, with the Blessed Dewi Sant in the role of Sue Barker, or James Corden, as you prefer, and was comfortably won by the Turtons, Trefor (Big Village, Trevor) and Bleddyn (Wolf Hero, Sam). Bleddyn (and probably some others) took home the inappropriate picture of Erica Roe from the picture round.

However, in Felinfoel and shortly before arrival in Llanelli, Danny ‘r Bws (Danny the Bus) fell victim to the Tom Tom and the search for a shortcut, and tried to get the 11ft 8 inch bus under a 10ft 8 inch bridge. Despite urging on from several that it would probably fit, especially if taken at speed, Danny ‘r Bws wisely decided that discretion was the better part of valour, and owing to his expert backing skills, and despite the assistance of Ffranc ‘r Ffrancwr, we were soon on the road again. In due course we came to a Palace of a hotel, the Stradey Park Hotel, where a wedding was in full flow.

The boys decided to take over a local pasture for a bit of pre-supper light practice, thus ensuring that most of our equipment was coated in a light dusting of "fertilizer". After a failed attempt to convince a local cow to join the group, the team repaired to the Palace for an excellent supper prepared by Stewart, the head chef at the Palace. The players found it necessary to explore the full range of foods on offer, in many cases having seconds or even thirds to ensure an in-depth investigation of the local cuisine, which was judged to be superb. The adults found that, much as one will match a fine wine with various types of food, the local bitter seemed to go with everything on offer and was remarkably reasonable in price and fine in quality. So much so, that it become necessary to prove empirically the consistency of this price/quality relationship over a period of time. These in-depth experiments proved, beyond the shadow of a doubt, the robustness of this relationship, and the Gods of Science being appeased, the tour party joined the wedding and generally behaved well.

A story, almost certainly a fabrication, was provided by the boys. By this account, one of the boys, locked out of his room, and having forgotten what number it was, knocked on another door. When the door was opened, the occupant asked if the nameless boy was room service, and panicking, he said yes, and was given an order. Not knowing what else to do he went down to the kitchen and placed the order and then took it back up to the room, receiving a tip from the kitchen staff and tip from the guest. If not true, as it almost certainly isn’t, then at least imaginative.

Any other boys’ stories will, in accordance with custom, no doubt stay on tour.

Saturday 15 April 2011

Early on Saturday morning Wasps Under 13s, shaking off the effects of the night’s revelry, set off for the wide expanse of the beach at Pembrey, across from the end of the Gower Peninsula. The Blessed Dewi Sant had expertly divined the state of the tide and the boys played touch rugby (most enthusiastic, Darw yr Hyfforddwr), football (most enthusiastic Ffranc 'r Ffrancwr for adherence to the rules and Mynydd Ifan (Mount John, John Hyland) for an earth shattering save in goal) and baseball (most enthusiastic the Blessed Dewi Sant for taking it square on the chin from a centre drive by Brynmor (Great Hill, Ben Weaver). Ifor the Engine (Robert Paterson, don’t ask why) revelled in the presence of a miniature traction engine rally, and Dai Bach confided that he loved the smell of coal in the morning.

After another excellent meal full of nutrition and with a heavy emphasis on the vegetables, the Tour Mystery Location revealed itself to be Kidwelly Castle, and the boys expended still more energy playing king of the hill, with a good concrete run out at the bottom of the steep grass slope leading up to the Castle Keep.

And then on to Kidwelly RFC, one of the best clubs in the area, for a hard match. We had a wonderful welcome from the coaches and boys at Kidwelly, with the boys coming over to greet the Wasps Under 13s as we came to the pitch. Wasps, led by Daffydd ‘r Darw (David the Bull, David Bull) had an early break, and those on the side line held their breath in anticipation. However the superiority of the opposition, the differences in the Welsh Rules, and the fact that several were called on to play out of position soon took their toll, and it was a comfortable victory for the home team. Wasps Under 13s acquitted themselves well, for all that, fighting on in adversity and scoring two fine tries through Talfryn (High Hill, Oliver Clarke) and Bran (Raven, Joseph Rigal). The final score of 77-12 belied the effort put in by the boys, and the many lessons they learned from the match as to how to play in Wales. Particularly impressive was how the boys from the Bs picked up their game to a level very much higher than they had encountered before: Trahaearn (Very Much Like Iron, Conor Gilmartin), Dryst 'r Ffrancwr (Tristan, the Frenchman, Tristan Goasguen), Dylan (Great Tide, Jack Coles-Hardwidge), Mynydd Sion (Mount Sean, Sean Hyland), Morgan (Bright Sea, Tom Paterson), Einion 'r Ffrancwr (Anvil, the Frenchman, Raphael Picard), Iorwerth (Handsome Lord, Matteo Quircke) and Idris (Ardent Lord, Khalil Radwan).

The match was played with an excellent spirit, on the pitch and the side line, and after the match, Kidwelly RFC were wonderfully hospitable. They renamed Daffydd ‘r Darw Toby Flood, although when asked if that was good or bad they replied bad, although Toby certainly thought it was good. The boys from both teams ate supper together (some more than one supper) and talked about the differences in Under 13s rugby in England and Wales. After supper prizes were awarded to the opposition by Kidwelly, with the prize for opposition man of the match going to Talfryn (Oliver Clarke). Many thanks to Lynn and all the Kidwelly U13 Squad, we hope we can return the favour and host them at Twyford Avenue in the near future.

Replete with food and hospitality, but tired from the match, the tour moved on to Parc y Scarlets for the evening kick off in the match in the Scarlet’s match against Munster. Before the match more food was consumed, with the record going to Trefor (Big Village, Trevor Turton) who managed to slot in an extra pig roast in the Barn, before the Scarlets pies that the rest, and he, then went on to. In the barn Dai Bach and Dewi Sant went in search of Kate Jenkins, the Llanelli Community Manager, to thank her for doing so much to welcome the boys, including putting their picture in the brochure and arranging for them to parade around the ground before kick off along with some local teams.

The match itself was an attritional defensive affair, only lightened by events off the pitch. The Blessed Dewi Sant was almost religious in his support for Munster, and in his appreciation of a fellow Irishman’s sense of humour, when clothed in his Wasps coach jacket, pint and something else in hand in the Gents, he was greeted with an enormous wallop across the shoulders propelling him forward, and the statement in a strong Cork Accent “Sorry Mate you had a Wasp on your back” … Sending beer & other fluids flying.

After some more king of the hill outside the ground, we proceeded back to the hotel, regaled by Frenhinaidd Ddyn (Regal Man, Bruce Rigal) with an interesting rendition of “O Canada”.

And so to bed. An early evening (for most) and match of the day.

Sunday 17 April 2011

Very bright and very early on Sunday morning, the boys tucked into an excellent breakfast of eggs and bacon, sausages, mushrooms, tomatoes, beans, fried potatoes and, for the brave, Laverbread on fried bread, the local seaweed delicacy. Only two boys went so far, Bontio ar Ddyfrha (Bridge over Water, George Bridgewater) and Cadwaladr (Battle Leader, Magnus Lewis).

We then set off in bright sunshine for the tournament at Llanelli Wanderers, to face the hosts, Bridgend, Llandeilo, Pontypridd and Bryncoch, with the two Ffrancs giving us a rousing rendition of the Marseillaise. The boys enjoyed another great welcome. The tournament was played out on marvellous playing fields between the sea and Llanelli castle. Wasps lined up first against Llandeilo and, fired up by Darw yr Hyfforddwr (Bull the Coach), the hard lessons of the day before paid dividends, with the boys adapting well and beating the opposition by four tries to nil. But then over the next three matches we came up against the hosts and the ultimate two finalists Bridgend and Pontypridd, and were outplayed, losing each match. While the boys could have hoped to have done better than they did, and made the matches closer, these were three really high quality teams. In the last match however the boys rallied marvellously, and despite being very tired, won their last match against Bryncoch comfortably by five tries to nil. This match saw the easiest try of the day, with Bran unnecessarily but generously passing when already over the line to Cadwaladr, which almost gave Dai Bach apoplexy. Very much harder tries were scored by Bran himself, by Talfryn (High Hill, Oliver Clarke) and by Cadfael (Battle Prince, Adeola Olajide), the latter despite nursing an ankle injury. All the boys acquitted themselves very well against extremely tough opposition, and Wasps finished the tournament in fourth place, all in all an excellent result for a touring team far from home.

During the day further healthy food was eaten, and sun cream properly used by all, apart from Ifor the Engine who unfortunately missed the backs of his legs and will have suffered the day afterwards. A wonderful time was had by all. Thanks to Aled Williams & the Wanderers Squad for hosting us at well run and very enjoyable event, again we hope to be able to welcome Llaneli Wanderers to Twyford Avenue one day soon.

Wasps wended their weary way to the coach for the return journey. Their tiredness was quickly dispelled by Trahaearn’s (Very Much Like Iron, Conor Gilmartin) rendition of the

Wheels on the Bws Go Round and Round (of which he knew rather too many verses). Cadfael (Battle Prince, Adeola Olajide) gave us Happy Birthday and Mynydd Sion (Mount Sean, Sean Hyland) the Hokey Kokey, before we moved into stirring performances of two poems: Culhwch’s (Hiding Place of the Pig, Haydn Popper) Invictus and Dryst ‘r Ffrancwr’s (Tristan the Frenchman,Tristan Goasguen) Wordsworth’s Daffodils in honour of Wales. Matters then degenerated into comedy, with Trahaearn giving us some well judged jokes, Ffranc ‘r Ffrancwr some other jokes, and Brynmor (Great Hill, Ben Weaver) the unrepeatable “Rat joke”.

Trahaearn was made Tour Bard for his contribution to entertainment, and then the boys voted for the Tourists’ Tourist of the Tour, being allowed to give two names. Fully fourteen names were put forward, demonstrating the extent to which the boys had gelled together well as a team and as tourists. The name that edged ahead was that of Bleddyn (Wolf Hero, Sam Turton), with Brynmor and Daffydd ‘r Darw mentioned in despatches. And then Talfryn (High Hill, Oliver Clarke) was awarded the Player of the Tour, with Bran (Raven, Joseph Rigal) being mentioned in despatches.

The adults then all thanked each other for being us, and of those thanks the one that is the most important and does bear repeating here is thanks to Dai Bach for all his organisation of what was an excellent and highly enjoyable tour and of course our very fine Tour Sponsor Helifix (a must for those Stress Free Structural Solutions)

Tour Date for next year is already in the Diary 14-15th April 2012, destination is of course on a need to know basis only!

Tour Bard
y Llew Coch

Photos to follow